A/n

Idk how am I writing, if it's up to the mark boring or whattt

So just give a review so that i can atleast improve if I'm lagging or what?!

Like 30-31 views, still no votes, no comments. Honestly— your choice, but if you can take a few minutes, i'll be glad <33333
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—ZARA'S POV—

It was a day since everything happened. I was at home the whole day, honestly I was apologetic whatever I said yesterday.

Vamika didi and I didn't exchanged a word, mumma was at grandma's home, she'd come back in a few days, while I was helping our house help didi for arranging food.

Didi made chicken biryani today.

As soon as I helped her, she left the home, while I stood near the window. I couldn't sleep after whatever I said— it was wrong, but I knew well that I'm not the one who apologises.

I skipped going to gurudwara, but lit the lamp in the small temple of our home.

"Zara! You're awake today?" Papa asked, his eyes almost popped out, when he saw me.

I simply nodded, when he sat on the dining table. Sid was not at home, while Vamika didi finally went to take a bath after binging a series whole day.

"Get me a coke, how will I eat it without it?" He asked, taking out some money. "Buy something for yourself too"

He said, when I took out my phone for ordering it online, he isn't like classy indian dads, at least I'd some support in my house and that was just from him. I knew he won't say anything if I order but I was wrong.

"Zara, your feet won't hurt if you try going out of the home" he said, a persistent smile on his face when I sulked a bit.

"You want me to come?" He asked, when I just nodded. "God give you mouth to speak, why do you act mute?"

"Yes papa" I said, in a very slow voice, when he stood up, and wore his slippers when we walked out.

"You're such a gone case, pura din movies dekhti rehti hai, you really should go out" he told me, when I really wanted to answer back, but listening to him quietly was a better option. I miss him, actually, I miss everyone around me because even if I live with them, it's a canon moment when I get to actually stay.

He was telling those old stories of his, when he was in Mumbai, a smile on his face.

The day went up quick, and honestly was done. Neither Sid teased me, nor Vamika di came in my room. She slept in Sid's room.

I was dying from hunger, not even able to remember when did I ate the last meal, I just stood up from my bed and sneaked out as usual.

It was 11 in the night, and hopefully I won't get to see Agastya today.

Honestly, I hate my life, because here was the chaos— Agastya stood on the terrace, and turned at me.

"Hello, sahiba" Agastya waved at me, while I silently walked and put my earphones.

"You know, this is the reason I kept your name as Sahiba— the dominating figure," he said, as he tilted his head and smiled at me.

"And who're you then? The one who tolerates me?"

"Chota insaan, tumhare mukable to koi nahi," he said, as he stood beside me, making a circle of his finger and looked at me.

"Hmm, hmm, as if I'm some princess" I muttered.

"Are you still angry?" He asked, when I raised my furrows.

"For?"

"... I puked on your top, see that's disgusting..."

"It's been more than a day, I already forgot about that incident"

"So, why aren't you speaking with me?" He asked, well, even I didn't knew, I just don't want to speak.

I shrugged off, when he looked at me again, "Zara, tell?"

"...it's because I've a will" I told him, "and I don't want to talk.... It's tiring... and I'm not angry... It's never like I asked you to talk, and I don't have answer to any of your questions"

I told him, as I could see the enthusiasm going off from his smiling face.

He went quiet for a few minutes, before he'd speak again. "But... you told me that we're friends?" He questions, while I sighed.

I'm a bitch, I guess. I hate myself for hurting people like this— but I've no answers to his questions, and no matter how normal I may pretend, the scary gulp of my throat will kill me.

I don't want to be rude again and die in guilt, so I stayed quiet— trying not to look in his eyes.

"Zara? Are we friends?" He asked again, when I gave him a hesitant nod, my eyes lowered, my hairs were on my face. "Then, you can share, I promise I'd die rather than telling anything about you to anyone"

He told, when I looked at him. He was the rarest one— who ever asked me to share. First, it was Vamika di, then it was.... No, no, no....

I don't want to think who's in my side or what— so I took a nervous breath, and with my shivering body I looked at him.

"Agastya, what if I don't want to share it with you?" I asked him.

"It's upto you"

He walked away. Of course, he did. This is what I wanted, no one can ever take this attitude of mine, and he's just a friend. I didn't turned to see him off, when a voice came.

"Zara...." It was him. I still didn't turned, didn't said a word, when he continued. "You don't have to do this alone, bottling up your feelings, I'll be always a call away, whenever you need, no matter how the conditions are" he said, leaving the roof.

It was a minute or so later, when I was on my knees, these fucking tears couldn't hold by, my heart thumping quicker, with every passing moment.

Fuck. I knew I was having a panic attack. My breath was getting shorter, I was shaking, trying to gasp air, tears slipping down too quick for me to even wipe. I pressed my palm hard against my chest, as if that would slow my heart down. It didn't. My whole body was shaking, breath choking in small, sharp gasps.

I hated myself for breaking like this.

I slid down against the wall, curling up, dragging air into my lungs one second at a time. "Breathe, just breathe," I whispered, like if I said it enough, my body would listen. My throat ached, my nose was blocked, and still the air wasn't enough.

It went on for minutes—felt like hours. I counted in my head, made stupid bargains with myself—if you can just take five deep breaths, you'll be fine, no one has to know, no one ever has to see you like this.

Eventually, the storm inside me slowed. My chest hurt, but I could breathe again, shaky but real. I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve, staring at the dark sky above me.

I pulled my knees tighter to my chin, tears stained on my face— and I hate to feel myself all again.

I wish I could trust someone and tell it all. But honestly, the more I tried, the scarier it got.

The flashes of past kept on coming in front of my eyes, every word that traced something ominous.

Sometimes, even thou, people are out of your life, you can't forget them. And it was same with me.

And every time, I thought of something good, there is always a particular moment that wreaks it all.

It takes me days, to do something. To have a bond, and just one moment.

"Zara..!" A voice came, when I raised my furrows. It was my siblings.... Both Sid and Vamika di, I tried to hold back my tears, but my face could tell it. I wiped off my tears with my sleeves, but they weren't blind.

Sid grinned, as he looked me tear strained. "Which guy rejected you so bad?" He asked, when I gritted, Vamika di slightly slapped his head.

"Shut up, Sid" Vamika fi said, plopping down on my other side, tugging me toward her chest like I was a five-year-old again. "Zara, look at me, kya hua?"

"I'm fine," I muttered, but they weren't having it.

"You're not fine, you're crying like hell, look at your eyes, its all red," Sid insisted, literally trying to peel my hands off my face. "Tell na, warna main Papa ko bolunga!"

"Sid!" Vamika smacked him, but then she wrapped her arms tighter around me, resting her chin on my head. "Don't listen to him. Just breathe, okay? I'm here."

And Sid, of course, leaned into the hug too, squishing me between both of them until I could barely breathe.

"Kuch nahi, I just felt like crying" I told them, trying to push them away, but they only clung tighter, like some overgrown koalas. My tears wouldn't stop, but a tiny, unwanted laugh almost slipped out when Sid dramatically wiped my cheeks with his t-shirt sleeve like some Bollywood hero.

*****

Zara's POV ends

Agastya was walking in his room, almost forgetting that he'd school tomorrow. He called Anirudh.

"What did Zara told you now?" Anirudh questioned as soon as he picked the call while Agastya raised his furrow.

"How do you know?" Agastya asked,

"It's midnight, and the only reason you can call me at this point, knowing well how busy I'm in playing game, there're very few reasons— and one is your darta jahan humse, hum tose darte, to tell what's the world's biggest issue now?" Anirudh asked, when Agastya told him everything.

Anirudh hissed, as he straightened his posture, leaving his game. "Agastya, are you crazy?"

Anirudh asked,

"Huh?" Agastya questions.

"Bhai, what if she already have a guy in her life? Come'n Agastya, she's considering you as her friend, so why're you even trying to be so clingy with her" Anirudh asked, his voice irritated. "I didn't wanted to remind you just in case, it'd sound weird but yes, she can have a guy too?" He said, when Agastya nods.

There was a silence between them,

"No, she doesn't— she can't...."

"Agastya, stop this bullshit, honestly, you can't make someone love you by loving them more, be her friend and let whatever is happening" Anirudh said, when he went quiet. "You were the one who told this when I was obsessed in love with Shreya, and you forgot it now"

"But you still love her, don't you?"

"Didn't she always reciprocated?"

"You don't know"

"...."

"Agastya, sleep"
Anirudh said.

"You know I've insomnia, how should I magically sleep" Agastya asked, his voice cracking.

"Agastya... you want me to come?" Anirudh asked.

"No"

"You know, your answer doesn't really matters"

Anirudh reached his flat in 15 minutes, Agastya went to open the door, as he went and sit inside his room.

Anirudh started singing 'tere liye' as soon as he entered Agastya's room.

Jagi jagi soi na main saari raat... tere liye.

Anirudh sang, as soon as he looked at the sullen face of his best friend, when Agastya vibed in for a second.

"Be serious, sometimes, Anirudh"

"You enjoyed, no?" He asked, when Agastya rolled his eyes.

"Yaar, you should've ordered something" Anirudh complained, when he went near his desk. "Oh damn, bangles"

"Keep it down"

"You should actually not dream anything with her, honestly. I don't think love is good for your mental health and you'll get many girls, just dial a number"

"But I want her" Agastya said, stomping his legs to the floor, like a kid.

"But why?" Anirudh asked, frustrated.

"I don't know"

"Huh?"

"How can someone know why they love the another person?"

"Agastya I seriously have no clue about whatever is wrong with you" Anirudh said, when Agastya lowered his head and bit his lips, completely overwhelmed with his emotions. "And I honestly don't like it"

"Falling in love is not wr—"

"Being obsessed with a person in a week, and being dependent on how their mood is wrong and you can't correct me when it comes about feelings. I can tell you Zara has something very serious going on."Anirudh said, his voice sharper now.

Agastya pressed his lips together, his hands gripping the edge of the bed. "I know she does."

"Then stop acting like you're her savior."

"I'm not!" Agastya shot back, a little too quick. His chest tightened. "I just... don't want her to think she's alone."

Anirudh stared at him, then scoffed. "Bro, listen to yourself. You're saying all the right filmi lines but your own head is a mess." He flopped onto Agastya's bed, arms spread wide. "You won't be able to help her if you keep bleeding every time she bleeds."

Agastya stayed silent, his eyes locked on the silver bangles lying on the table. For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The fan buzzed above them, the night heavy.

Finally, Anirudh sighed. "Chal, uth. I can't see your rona-dhona face anymore. Let's order pizza or something."

Agastya let out a short laugh, shaking his head. "At midnight?"

"Perfect time," Anirudh grinned.

Agastya almost smiled at him, but it disappeared with another thought. "Do you think... she'll tell me?"

"For god sake Agastya, don't... I really don't want you to like her this much"

"Anirudh.... Atleast you understand"

"Shut up"

"Okay"

There was a silence between them, both of them sat on the edges of the bed. The soft hum of AC, the noise of barking dog could be easily heard.

Anirudh— done with the silence, abused him. "It's been an hour since I'm here, you piece of shit, and you didn't offered me a glass of water also, you'd have shown some hospitality." He said, while Agastya peacefully laid on his bed.

"You don't have mehandi on your hands or legs, you can go and have it" Agastya said, throwing a pillow over him.

"Owww, bastard. You can give water, but oh yeah, you lack basic sense"

"Then don't come here" Agastya said.

"Then who's going to babysit your insomnia? My small child."

"I've ordered a pizza, you idiot" Agastya said, skipping the topic Anirudh was talking about.

"When?" Anirudh raised his furrows.

"Right before you came" Agastya said, while Anirudh smiled at him.

"Insaan itna bhi bura nahi hai tu, bas kabhi kabhi gussa dila deta hai" Anirudh said, while Agastya was completely uninterested.

"You remember 10th ke boards, when you used to—"

"And you didn't let me study, I do remember"

"Agastya, please don't make me remember.... We're getting our results soon"

"Who started it?"

"We won't talk anymore, bring my pizza and then I'll sleep"

"How can you be hungry for the whole day?" Agastya muttered, as his phone rang and he went to take the order.

***

It was the next day, Anirudh was with Agastya only as they left his home together. Zara and Siddharth came as well as Aaradhya did.

"Good morning, meri lugaii" Aaradhya said, taking Zara in a side hug, while she smiled a bit. "I wish you were there in my class rather than your stupid brother" she said, while all Zara did was to awkwardly listen to her— she wasn't used to this closeness with anyone, and whenever Aaradhya was there, the intimacy felt so platonic.

Agastya and Anirudh, who were walking normally now exchanged looks. "How did you guys came so close?," Agastya asked, when Sid— who had no role in the entire topic meddled.

"Because your sister loves irritating people, I mean she's the only one who's so close, my sister isn't even interested to talk with her—," Siddharth said, only to feel a grab on his hairs.

"She's my best friend, don't you dare to talk shit about her," Zara said, glaring at her twin.

"Zara, just because you hate me and want to degrade me, doesn't means you've to support her"

"Shut up, just because you're a sad loner doesn't means everyone is" Aaradhya said, as she came in Zara's defence while Siddharth rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to talk with you" Siddharth said, when Agastya walked towards him.

"What's so wrong with my sister? Why're so rude to her every time you speak, you sib—" Agastya was about to speak as he pointed at both of them, when he decided to divert the conversation.

"You..."

"You, Sid, you can't be so mean to Aaru all the time, it's just our thing" Anirudh said, pointing at Aaradhya, as he handled the situation.

"He can't see other people succeeding and competing with him, maybe that's his problem... he's too selfish" Aaradhya spoke, ignoring him now.

"Let's go Aaru" Zara said, holding her hand.

"She hates when someone says something to her people" Agastya whispered in Anirudh's ears, who shook his head frustrated.

"Agastya, you know what you need?" Anirudh asked, when his face formed a smile.

"Zara?" He whispered back in Anirudh's ears, careful that Sid doesn't hears them.

"Therapy," Anirudh said, leaving him behind.

****