Zara's room was nothing but a mess. Where to start from? Her elder sister telling her to wear anything as they were going out, and Zara throwing every second cloth on her bed.

"This is the reason why I don't go anywhere, Vamika di take your kurtis the time you go back" Zara said, looking at Vamika who was busy studying.

She stood there for another moment, arms folded, staring blankly at the mess. She didn't want to go. Not because she hated anyone. Not because she had something better to do. But because it feels suffocating to be in middle of people who're superior than her, some who will talk on her back, some who'll mock her.

Zara didn't had much of interests. She wasn't the one who preferred what people along her did. She heard coldplay for the first time when it got popular.

Neither did she hated outings because of no reason, she had one. The shame she felt stepping out in a world in a world that never let her forget how she looked.
The way her jeans clung to her thighs.
The way every reflective surface—mirrors, car windows, shop glass—felt like a reminder.

She was in her own thoughts when—her eyes fell on the pale pink kurta. Simple. Long sleeves.
She didn't overthink it this time. Just wore it.

The sleeves slid down her arms like they were meant to hide things. Like they understood.

She didn't say anything as she adjusted them—just subtly tugged the fabric over her wrists, once, twice.

"Zara, it's so hot outside"

"It's cotton di!" Zara said, turning at her sister who simply rolled her eyes.

"Ahh, still if it was in my hands I'd wore hot bikinis" Vamika said, as stepping in front of the mirror,  making a ponytail and wearing sneakers.

She was wearing a white crop top with black skirt. She was looking at herself in the mirror with a feeling of self admiration, while Zara's fingers still battled on the sleeves.

She couldn't even look herself for long in mirror let alone to adore, meanwhile her elder sister didn't even minded that.

She never envied her siblings, maybe she never could but the feeling of being not enough was the end of all thoughts for her. She'd survived those days when her achievements remained unseen while her mistakes echoed louder than they deserved. When the smallest wins were brushed off, but the extra slice of cake she took was remembered like a sin. When Vamika scored a 90, it was celebration. When Zara scored the same, it was just "good." Nothing more.

Over time, she stopped trying to impress. What was the point of applause when no one was clapping?

"Zaraaa, didi, issi janam mei jaana hai humme" Sid banged the door, when her trance broke and she looked at Vamika.

"Zara, is there something wrong? I've been noticing you since long" Vamika said, when Zara shook her head, shrugging off her thoughts. "Aur chaliye madam, or else we'll be left alone"

"Aise kaise? I'm the one who's driving" Vamika said, proudly fixing her hair strands, while Zara rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, that's the only reason you're coming with us"

"Jo bhi hai, important to hu na?" She said, grabbing Zara's arm.

As they came out, Agastya was standing with Aaradhya, his hands in pocket. His face lit up the moment he saw her.

I didn't even knew when my lips crept themselves into a smile—as I looked at her. She was wearing a pale pink short kurti with blue jeans and now pink never remained the same for me.

She was nonchalantly walking, while Siddharth and their elder sister.

She looked at me, when I nodded at her with a smily face. "Hi Zara"

I said, grabbing everybody's attention when Vamika di looked up at me.

"Mujhe lagta hai, main aai nahi, ya fir driver se jyada meri koi need lagti nahi hai" Vamika didi laughed, while Aaradhya went to side hug her.

"Ruthe hue fufa ji banne ke sivaay koi kaam aata hai aapko di?" Sid asked, narrowing his eyes, while Vamika di instantly rolled her eyes.

"Guys, we're getting late and we need to come back also so let's go" Zara interrupted.

"Dadi amma, late aayenge na vapas!" Sid mocked at her, elbowing her while Aaradhya narrowed her eyes.

"Haan haan, aur test ki tayaari kaun karega fir?" Aaradhya asked, when Siddharth bent and looked at her.

"No matter how much you study, I'll come first in the class" A smirk came on his face, when I raised my furrows.

"I don't take losers seriously, cry you idiot" Aaradhya said, showing him a thumbs down.

I so wish Zara was same as Sid, I'd have teased her but the only thing she do on the name of expressing is to glare like she's super close to eat me.

I was lost in my own thoughts, unknowing that I was looking at her for a long time. Zara clears her throat, as she spoke, " guys, we should go?" her voice seemed to be calmed, but the gentle creaks of her voice made me understand that she was super uncomfortable- I'm so shit.

As Vamika di, Sid and Aaradhya proceeded to walk, I slowed my steps to walk with Zara.
"Ahm, hello sahiba"

"Zara" she said, almost gritting her teeth when I smiled at her.

"Your parents gave you that name, I gave you this"
I told when she glared at me- yeah, this girl and her firm glares will be the cause of me sitting in a hospital, but at least she talks with me, notices me, isn't it just too much to expect from a person you like.

She was walking beside me—head slightly lowered, her hand tugging at the sleeve of her kurta every few seconds. It was such a small movement that no one would notice unless they were watching her like a hawk.

I don't know but whenever I look at her, neither am I able to break looking at her, nor stop blushing. I kept one of my hands on the back of my neck. Is it how we feel to have a crush?

The butterflies flying in your entire body, adrenaline rushing, the feeling of overstimulation even thou the only thing we're doing is to walk beside her.

I never liked anyone before this- this feeling of just trying to be with her.

****

Time skipped as we sat in the car. Vamika di was playing the song, while Aaradhya was busy telling Zara about her parents and everybody.

The only thing I'd notice was her right hand kept on her left arm, I'd feel some subtle discomfort in her posture.

When she sat, her leg was involuntarily shaking, her lower jaw clenched. She looked as if she was in a mess.

I can't even ask or else she'll find it weird and again, not at all comfortable.

I couldn't think of anything else and texted Aaru.

Me:
Aaru, shut up for some time, can't you see she isn't comfortable

Aaru instantly picked her phone, and gave me a thumbs up.

"Zara, are you feeling cold" she glanced at me, then looking back at her.

"No, it's just that I've a habit"

"But this is so wrong, you know your posture...." Aaru started giving her advices, which weren't wrong thou but I knew how it feels to be triggered by someone when someone points out something you already hate about yourself.

Zara gave a half-smile, more like a wince, nodding as if agreeing would make the conversation end quicker.

And then I saw it.

That one red bump on her jawline, half-hidden under her hair. The kind of angry pimple that comes exactly when you don't want it to. It wasn't even big—but the way her hand brushed her hair back, only to let it fall again

she tilted her face away from the window to avoid the light hitting her skin directly. How she angled her phone slightly up while taking a selfie with Aaradhya, subtly hiding her chin. Or how her fingers itched to reach for her compact but resisted because people were watching.

I shouldn't look at her, because maybe that's what I'm doing. Looking at her, again and again!

As we reached the mall, she walked with Vamika di and Aaradhya, while Siddharth side hugged me.

"Aur bhai!?" Sid spoke, when I simply shrugged my shoulders.

"Kya bhai?"

(What?)

"Meri bhen tang to nahi kar rahi na tereko?" He asked, raising his furrows, when I chuckled.

(Isn't my sister troubling you)

"Uske liye bolna bhi zaruri hota hai na? Vo to bolti hi nahi hai" I told, when Siddharth nodded. "Aur meri bhen dimaag to nahi kar rahi tera?"

(For that a person has to speak- and she doesn't even says a word)

As we walked, girls went into bookstore. It wasn't a book store only, but had gifting items, stationary, and sketching supplies. On the another side, there was a section for junk food.

A good business idea. The shop covered everything.

She was standing in the section of books- some author name with "Ana Huang". When I stood near her, she kept the book back.

"You want to read this?" I pointed at the book "king of sloth". I read it aloud, when she simply shrugged her shoulders.

"I've read this"

"Oh, must have taken endless nights, I too read books it takes year to complete one book" I said, when she crisscrossed her arms and looked at me. Her expressions stoic, as she looked at me sighing.

"So which book do you read?" She asked me, when I proudly leaned forward, smirking I tilted my head.

"NCERT" I said smiling, when her stoic expressions now melted and she looked away. The faint lines of her face now turned into a smile.

"What? I didn't cracked a joke" I looked at her, tried not to laugh but as we shared an eye contact we both started laughing.

"There was nothing to laugh" I told her, meanwhile muffling a laugh myself.

"So why're you laughing?" She asked.

"Shit, I made you laugh even before cracking dad jokes" I made a face,

"Shut up, and stop being a crackhead" she said, looking back at the books.

"So you actually read all this? How long did it take?" I asked.

"Two days were enough to complete one book" she replied, looking at some books.

"Two days?" I looked at her flabbergasted,

"Hmm,"

"I get it now, why you don't come out of your house" I told her while she rolled her eyes. "Zara, you can at least reply to me"

"Not completely true but yeah if I'm reading something so I stop my daily activities and that's why my parents don't let me buy these books, because they think all this is a waste of time and effort, but I ask Vamika di and she buys me these"

"Next time, if you want any, so just ask me" I told, feeling stupid the next moment I did.

We were awkwardly standing, when she turned her face to another direction. She couldn't speak when Vamika di, Sid and Aaradhya came.

"Zara let's go to miniso" Aaradhya spoke as Zara politely nodded at her, smiling.

The only way with which she talks to me is her sharp glares, are they just reserved for me?

"Haan fir vaha se bandar vla soft toy le lena" Sid teased Aaradhya, while she just rolled her eyes.

his POV ENDS

Zara and Agastya were walking, Agastya's eyes lingering over Zara when his eyes went to the jewellery shop and then on the bangles.

"Aaru, you love bangles na?" Agastya pointed as the girls look at the pointed place.

"Hann" Aaradhya jumped in excitement, following Vamika they reached the shop.... Both Vamika and Aaradhya were looking at the jewellery, while Zara stood in a corner.

"Zara, you should also watch something?" Agastya said, when she shrugged off her shoulders. She'd no interest in buying bangles because of the marks of her slitted hand.

Agastya went in front, selecting those silver bangles and showed them to Zara. He also showed her some pink, green and yellow bangles.

"You should give it a try" Agastya said.

"I'm already wearing a watch, Agastya and I don't want to remove this, I'm too lazy" Zara said, pointing the watch she was wearing on her right wrist.

"You can still wear them on your left wrist?" Agastya said, while Zara gulped. Her body tensed, shoulders tightened her arms folded in instinct, like a reflex born out of years of hiding.

There was a pause — one of those sharp, invisible pauses that didn't come from silence but from things unsaid.

Agastya felt the shift in her body demeanour. She smiled, taking those bangles and tried them, but her fingers trembled.

As Zara wore some of the bangles, her hands shivered, a visible flinch in her shoulder. The clinking of those bangles was soft- hiding the screams that echoed in her head. As the bangles touched her wounds, it began to hurt as the slit cuts weren't bandaged.

Agastya's eyes widened as he focused to look at her wrist. The lines could be easily seen.

"Too noisy" Zara commented as she raised her arm in air, looking at those bangles.

"But nice thou" Agastya added, looking those bangles. "You should buy these"

"Some other day" Zara said, removing those bangles.

On the other hand, Siddharth was assisting Vamika with bangles. "Di buy these one" he said, while Aaradhya kept on looking at him.

Behind that stoic, nonchalant guy who kept on fighting with her, he was a super soft brother.

I wonder how it is to be loved by Siddharth Kapoor?

Her notes app was filled with this after telling herself multiple times that she didn't crush over him. Hell nah!

She pulled out her phone and opened her notes app like it was muscle memory — like she hadn't already done this a hundred times.
At the top of the page, bold letters screamed:

"STOP romanticizing Siddharth YOU ABSOLUTE CLOWN 🤡"

She bit her lips, when Siddharth came near her, bending towards her.

"What happened bandariya?" He teased Aaradhya, while she gave him a sarcastic smile- rolling her eyes. "Dhyaan se, kabhi yeh akhiyan hi bahar aa jae kisi din eye roll karte karte"

Aaradhya smacked him, while Agastya and Zara came towards them. "Aaradhya, didn't you buy something" Zara asked.

"I did, these jhumkas and bangles, I'll send mumma the QR code" Aaradhya said, when Agastya interrupted.

"You've cash" Agastya interrupted.

"Who'll spend cash bro, mumma asked me not to use cash unless she's unavailable" Aaradhya said, sending the picture of QR code to her mother.

"Zara, tune kuch nahi liya?" Vamika asked, when Zara shook her head, shrugging off her shoulders.

"Nahi di, I didn't want to buy anything, anyways I'm at home 90% of the time what am I going to do by buying these" Zara replied, "Aur jaldi karo naa mereko vapas jaana hai" Zara stood on her toes as she whispered in her sister's ears to which Vamika gave her a chuckle.

The chaos of the mall wasn't just background to Zara, it pressed in on every side, sharp and relentless. Every echo on the shining tiles felt like it multiplied in her head. Footsteps didn't just shuffle—they stomped. Children's laughter sliced through her thoughts like sirens. The rolling announcements "Attention please" seemed to blare directly at her, too loud, too frequent, never fading.

Scents clung to the air, sharp perfume from a passing auntie, sweet warmth drifting from the food court, a whiff of greasy samosas and cinnamon sugar. Somewhere close, someone had spilled a bottle of floor cleaner, a bitter chemical tang mixing with the mall's manufactured freshness.

Every sharp sound—heels clicking, bags rustling, a store clerk calling out which felt as if they scraped her skin raw. Zara tugged at her sleeves, grounding herself, but the noise just wouldn't stop.

A fluorescent light flickered behind her eyelids whenever she blinked, and now even her vision felt like it was shimmering. She hugged her arms close, focusing on the soft, rhythmic clinks of the bangles on her wrist—a single thread of gentler sound, almost drowned by the storm around her.

The time slowly started feel like suffocating where she was just waiting to go back to her home... "enough of socializing for today"
She thought, when they all were sitting in a cafe.

"Zara, come let's click some pictures and then I'll buy a boba" Aaradhya said excitedly, when Zara smiled and walked with her.
She was standing there quietly when Aaradhya looked at the different boba.

"Tu aise kyu khadi hai? Tujhe nahi lena?" Aaradhya asked, when Zara nervously smiled and shook her head.

[Why're you standing like this? Don't you want to have this?]

"Yaar, I'm not hungry" Zara said, while Aaradhya just nodded.

They clicked pictures when Aaradhya pointed at the photo booth. "Let's go" Zara said elated, as they both walked towards.

They were reading the information when Aaradhya made a sulky face. "what happened?" Zara asked.

"Yaar but I'll come here for the first time with my boyfriend" Aaradhya said, looking at her when her eyes widened

"Boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend?" Zara asked, as her eyes widened.

"No no, what I meant to say was I'll soft launch my boyfriend to everyone by the polaroids"

"You've got real delusions" Zara mumbles when Aaradhya laughed at her.

"I will.... One day"

"I'll be here only but we should go for now" Zara said, when they bot went back.

*

TBC
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